You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
