i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
