Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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