Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
