Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
