OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
