you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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