We need to rekindle our bromance
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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