Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
