my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
