I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
