I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
