There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
