i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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