Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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