idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
