there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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