good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
