i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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