if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
