I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
