The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
