Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
