if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Boobs speak an international language.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize