If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
