1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
