I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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