We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
