In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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