I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We left an ass print on the piano.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
