4 words: hood of his car
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tornado booty call.. dedication
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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