My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
