Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
