my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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