and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
