the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
