Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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