Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
