we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize