Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
