i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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