Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
