You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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