My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
