Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
