all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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