My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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