bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I believe in your delicious
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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