That reminds me...we need to get swords
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
