The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sext me about skeletons
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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