It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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