i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You made out with two different species that night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
