Ambien. No doubt about it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We have started to decorate penises.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
