for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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