who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
