Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
