so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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