we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
