don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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