first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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