So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
