Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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