Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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