Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
