I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
