Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize