did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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