Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
