she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
