Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
